May 29 2010

The end is near?

Category: humor,media,society,theologysardonicwhiner @ 8:42 am

These truly are the end times.

The Fox show 24 is going off the air, having just broadcast its finale episode this week.

LOST is going off the air, too, with a finale episode this week.

I read somewhere that Ghost Whisperer, that paean to bad theology and ambiguous afterlife, is also going off the air.

And the show Numb3rs is going off the air.  I read somewhere that over the six seasons it aired, 666 murders were investigated (about five per show?), and at least 20 people survived non-survivable head wounds.  Besides that, the mathematical genius brother of the FBI agent seems to have had a relationship with numbers that can only be described as…  mystical.  Makes you wonder.  Was the show giving away the secrets of the apocalypse?

I’ve always wondered why Ghost Whisperer hasn’t featured an episode with all the terrorists that Jack Bauer killed on 24, but that’s just me.

So, my theory.

24 is going off the air.  That’s because Jack has already knocked off all the terrorists, and there won’t be time for any more to appear before the final apocalypse.

Ghost Whisperer is going off the air because all the dead people have already shuffled off to wherever they’re going, and there aren’t going to be any more dead people before the apocalypse, at which point talking to ghosts will be kind of pointless.

LOST is going off the air because pretty soon we’re all going to know exactly who is lost, and who isn’t.

Numb3rs is leaving us because it was just giving away too many hints about what the number 666 really means.  When I have some time I’m going to do a numerological analysis of the title of the show.  I’ll bet there is something encoded there, hiding in plain sight….

But when a bunch of long running shows are canceled all at once, including some with pretty good ratings…..  you have to wonder.  What are they trying to keep from us?  What secrets would have been revealed in the next episodes, if only they’d stayed on the air?

And finally, one other observation: almost no one is buying real estate these days, so almost no one is in escrow.  Since escrow is an eternal state (escrows never end), if no one is in escrow, then that means all escrows have ended.  But that means we must be at the end-times.  Well, the beginning of the end-times.  I suppose people with the mark of the beast might still be in escrow, still being able to buy and sell.

The proliferation of 2012 disaster movies is just a premonition of things to come even sooner.

Maybe even before the 2010 elections.  We’ll know if Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid switch parties and become tea-baggers before November.

I’m predicting that the CW show Supernatural will have just one more season….  if that.  It seems that it’s getting harder and harder to put makeup on Satan.

So….  think of the current life on Earth as a very long running show that is about to be canceled, having been failing in the ratings lately.  Rumor has it that the studio Chief Executive sent in a Trouble-Shooter a couple-thousand years ago, but the production company has mostly failed to see reason, and is ignoring His advice.  The show was almost canceled once before, early in its run, when really bad weather interfered with the shooting schedule.

Better store water, food and ammo.  And gold.  Lots of gold.  Not that it will do you any good in the long run, but since you may be left standing around after the rapture (you can come to my house and move in, if you can find it, since my family and I are expecting to be on permanent vacation), you may find some temporal preparations useful.

Include a Bible in your stores.

You’ll be more interested in reading it then than you may be now.