Feb 26 2010

Running for the hills… or just the parking lot

Category: humorsardonicwhiner @ 9:42 am

So, last week at my university, we had a drill.

The alarms blared, and the entire campus had to evacuate every building on campus and make for the parking lots.  In my group, we were told to make for the sidewalk on one side of the parking lot.

I’m trying to figure out what we were practicing to avoid.

If there was a fire, it would probably affect only one building, not the entire campus.  It’s a big campus.  I don’t think there’d be any reason for us to empty all the buildings, and just make it that much harder for the firetrucks to get where they needed to go.

If there was a sniper or active shooter, running for the outside would seem to make us better targets.  I think I’d rather lock my office door (which is heavy, metal, and thick) and take my chances.

If there was an earthquake, current doctrine taught by the experts is to get UNDER something substantial in the first three seconds, but not to try to run down halls and stairways, get into elevators, etc.  Besides…  would we go stand under power poles on the street when the quake and aftershocks were still happening, or might start again?

If there was a bomb threat for a building… well, I don’t know, but it seems to me that a bomber who really intended to do evil would threaten a particular building, then blow up a car bomb in the parking lot next to it, as soon as the building’s occupants had left the building…  for the parking lot.  Same thing applies if a building WAS blown up on campus…  smart killers will rig a few cars to go about five minutes later.    Sounds grim, I know…  but exactly that has been done in Israel, where bombs have been rigged to detonate within a few minutes of a first explosion, to kill emergency responders, people who think they’re safe now, the inevitable crowd of onlookers, etc.

Gas attack?  Hmmm..   I don’t see how the bad guys get every building on campus that way….  so if some building is attacked that way, as long as it isn’t mine, I’m not sure I think it makes sense to run for the parking lots.  If we’re under serious attack, the same logic applies as above…  gas attack a building, then blow up a few cars in parking lots a few minutes later.

So, I think I’ve decided.  If the balloon goes up again, I’m not heading down the stairs for the sidewalk by the parking lot under the power poles with the rest of the sheep.

I’m going across the street to Jack-in-the-Box, and order a Southwestern Grilled Chicken Salad.  I’ll be safe there, because Jack already blew up Jack-in-the-Box.  I saw it on TV years ago.  I don’t think he’d do it again.  And the terrorists sure won’t, since according to the FDA all that fast food is killing us anyway.  Why interrupt the punishment Allah has ordained for gluttonous Americans?  And let’s not even start talking about poison gas…

Or maybe I’ll just start telecommuting.  But maybe I’ll update Skype first.