Aug 22 2010

Today’s Headlines – Pithy Responses

Category: funny but sad,humoramuzikman @ 8:55 am

U.S. may sue Arizona’s Sheriff Arpaio for not cooperating in investigation

We gotta find some way to stop these local law enforcement people from enforcing the law!

Gore calls for major protests on government’s climate change inaction

Doggone that climate! – it just won’t cooperate! Maybe he can organize a personal masseuse climate boycott.

Islamic Center Backers Won’t Rule Out Taking Funds from Saudi Arabia, Iran

And if we take issue with this mosque being funded by those who wish us harm then the left labels us as religious intolerants.

Lone juror ‘refused to find Blagojevich guilty’

P.T Barnum was right.  Anyone ever seen the movie “Runaway Jury”?

Obama says housing glut hindering economic recovery

So far so good, Mr. President.  Just remember, as you progress the game gets harder.  Now, here is your next question:  What caused the housing glut?

Murdoch $1m donation may not prove bias

So says Goldman Sachs partner Gary Gensler – Obama’s Commodity Futures Trading Commission head. Or was it former Goldman Sachs lobbyist Mark Patterson who serves under Geithner as his top deputy and overseer of TARP bailout.  No, I’m sure it was Obama’s close hometown crony, campaign-finance chief and senior adviser Penny Pritzker, who was head of Superior Bank of Chicago, a subprime specialist that went bust in 2001, leaving more than 1,400 people stripped of their savings after bank officials falsified profit reports.  Any one of these would surely be an authority on the issue of favoritism!

Two Dem Congressional candidates go on hunger strike – one gets enema

Which is only fair and somehow fitting since the Democratic Party has been shoving things up our backsides for some time now.

American Airlines Finds Another Creative Way to Charge Customers

Let me guess… rental fees for personal flotation devices on flights over water?  Paid barf bag dispensers? 8X10’s of personal body scan images showing the pretty redhead in row 12E?  (suitable for framing!)

Athlete blames cat over drunk driving charge / Facing Ethics Charges, Rep. Waters Points Finger at Bush Administration

In both cases the essential verb is “blame”.  Ya gotta blame something or somebody!

11 PM to 4 AM: Michigan high school football team practicing at night: Accommodate Muslim players during Ramadan

No, this doesn’t mean you can now erect a manger scene during the “winter holiday” season.  That would be unconstitutional.