Aug 30 2010

More Bizarre Headlines – More Witty Repartee

Category: humoramuzikman @ 8:55 am

There are enough dreary  headlines these days to depress even the most stouthearted optimist.  Then there are these headlines…OK, I took a crack at each of these.  They were just too good to pass up.  Let’s hear from some of you other humorists.  Pick one or more of these recent headlines and give me your best one-line responses.  And please try to retain a modicum of decency!  My mom reads this stuff.

Bedtime Story: 1-in-4 Grown Men Travel With a Stuffed Animal

I wonder if the same percentage of men sleep in footed pajamas.

Woman Nabbed For Auto Erotic Crime – Cincinnati woman was caught multitasking herself in Pontiac

OK, but did we really have to be told about it?  Imagine being the newspaper writer assigned to this gem of a story.

“Beat Whitey Night” At Iowa State Fair: Cops probe whether attacks were racially motivated

well, “duh!”

Cuba to withdraw cheap cigarettes for elderly: Cuba’s elderly will no longer be entitled to state-subsidized cigarettes, the government has said.

Has Michael Moore been made aware of this?

A no-show for 12 years, worker in Norfolk still paid

I know a certain president whom I would happily pay to be a no-show.

Murdered Spook Was A Cross-Dresser

Clearly NOT a headline from a Vince Flynn novel

Restaurants scramble after massive egg recall

OK, even I wouldn’t stoop this low…

Man, shot in head, notices five years later

How much you wanna bet he’s a Democrat?

Young Ho races to win in 37th Dammit Run