Jul 10 2008

Someone to Watch Over My Carbon Credits

Category: Al Gore,global warming,humor,musicharmonicminer @ 9:00 am

Oh… my.

They’re going to make an opera about Al Gore’s chicken little book that tries to terrify the world. First there was the book. Then there was a slide show. Then there was a movie about Al Gore narrating a slide show. So: is the opera going to be about Al Gore accepting the Oscar for the movie of him narrating his slide show about his book? This will, I take it, be a comic opera. Or maybe just a parody mass. Or just massively parodied? The Rev. Dr. Professor Gore is looking pretty massive these days. I think the lead role should be sung by a Basso Buffoondo.

They should have renamed the Oscar just for him: it should have been called the OhScare.

After the quote below, I’ve created some new song titles for the opera….

William Friedkin will direct the premiere of the opera “An Inconvenient Truth,” which will debut at La Scala in Milan on May 11, 2011.

J.D. McClatchy, the poet who composed the book for Ned Rorem’s “Our Town” and co-wrote “Grendel” with Julie Taymor, has been tapped as the librettist. Italian composer Giorgio Battistelli will write the score. Participant Media, which financed the docu based on Al Gore’s book, will be among the backers of the opera.

Battistelli began work on the opera a year ago. It will be presented as part of La Scala’s contribution to the celebrations of the 150th anni of Italy’s unification.

Milan and Gore first connected when the former vice president backed the city’s bid to host Expo 2015 on promises of turning green.

So: Gore is turning people green, eh? Is this code for some kind of new drug? Maybe he puts it in the water, so the whole city turns green? Do they also get really big, ugly, inarticulate and strong?

Obviously, we’re going to need some songs here.

An Incontinent Truth: This song will feature lots and lots of water imagery. (No, I didn’t make up the title… you can Google it.)

Bridge Over Muddled Water: This one about all the new hurricanes that will swamp coastal cities

Why Do Fools Fall In Sludge?: Sung by a Wahabi tribesman from a an oil slick floating in the middle of the Arabian former-desert.

Scaring In The Rain: This song and dance number features lots of Grim Reaper types leaping around the stage, scything down the evil global warming deniers. If only they’d listened…. to the demo, that is.

Al: change your shirt. Really. Even if you have to buy a carbon credit or two to wash it. You can afford it. Sell an airplane or something.

The Rain In Spain Falls Mainly In France: It’s going to be windy… very windy.

Surfin’ In Norway: It’ll be the new Malibu.

Wrong Song: About very abbreviated beachwear in Antarctica.

Raindrops Keep Falling On My Bed: Those two hundred mile per hour winds are hell on roofs.

Al Gore Loves Me, This I Know, For His “Bible” Tells Me So

Under The Sea, Argentina: Madonna makes a cameo appearance as a crabby adviser to King Neptune, who suddenly is boss of lots more real estate.

Climate Chains of Love: A sensitive love ballad country song about how conflict over carbon credits breaks up young lovers in the year 2100 in Atlantic City, Indiana.

And last, a remake of those two old classics, in a contrapuntal medley,

– What Kind of Fool Am I, and They’re Coming To Take Me Away Again, Hah Hah, Hee Ho, To The Funny Farm: You know who’s going to sing this one.

In Gore’s world, life will definitely not be beautiful all the time. Fortunately, it’s just his inner world that will be flooded with rising sea levels. Crypto-hydrocephalics of the world, unite! Create slide shows! Learn how to frighten small children! Make money selling the right to breathe!

hat tip: Pajamas Media

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One Response to “Someone to Watch Over My Carbon Credits”

  1. Michael K says:

    If AL Gore is affiliated with a musical opera it must be a minimalist composition.

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