WARNING – HUMOROUS TREATMENT OF ADULT TOPIC:<\/p>\n
OK, so what’s all this I keep hearing about “male enhancement”?\u00a0 Everywhere I turn I’m bombarded with advertisements, from emails to T.V. commercials and billboards to pop-up ads.\u00a0 And it’s all the same message: 1. Your male reproductive anatomy is pitiful because you are too small.\u00a0 2. We have what it takes to make you bigger.<\/p>\n
I mean golly!\u00a0 First of all I had no idea I was so defective.\u00a0 Second, I had no idea there were so many helpful people in the world.\u00a0 You could say it was sort of a “good-news, bad-news” revelation:\u00a0 I find out I’m woefully inadequate – but there are lots of ways to get help.<\/p>\n
I’d like to know who first came up with the idea of using the word, “enhancement”.\u00a0 I’m not sure I’m comfortable with this application.\u00a0\u00a0 I’ve heard the word “enhancement” used in a couple of other contexts that seem to make much more sense . One is in reference to photo images,\u00a0 (e.g. “We enhanced the color to make the picture seem more vibrant”) .\u00a0 The other use is related to business: “career enhancement”,\u00a0 (e.g. “You really should go back to school and get your PhD, it would be a great career enhancement.”).\u00a0 But now the word “enhancement” has now been appropriated in such a way I think it will soon cease to be used by others – too much baggage, I fear.<\/p>\n
There are<\/em> other terms that could be used for this.\u00a0 Why not “augmentation”? (no, women have augmentation, men have enhancement. )\u00a0 “Inflation”? (no, that one is being used by the government) “Amplification”?\u00a0 (no, that’s sounds like buying car speakers) “Enlargement”?\u00a0 (heavens no, too specific – just begging for a lawsuit). OK, try this one.\u00a0 For the sake of simplicity and to keep it real I think both genders should simply follow the McDonalds model and say, “super-size me!”<\/p>\n This all started with email – and hasn’t let up!\u00a0 Just a glance at the subject line of some email messages in my spam folder every day would make a sailor blush! Some of the more tame ones claim among other things that “size does matter”.\u00a0 And of course there are plenty that promise to have found the solution for “E.D.”\u00a0 Here is another term I have a problem with.\u00a0 When I see ED I think of a horse (boy, that dates me) or an abbreviation after someone’s name, showing they have a doctoral degree in education.\u00a0 But “erectile dysfunction”?…….ew!<\/p>\n No doubt about it though, it’s the T.V. ads that drive me crazy.\u00a0 It used to be that advertisements dealing with adult products or themes would not appear until very late at night, after the kids have gone to bed.\u00a0 Not so any more.\u00a0 Nothing quite like having the whole family gathered around the T.V to watch a favorite show and then have to endure one or more of those\u00a0 Extenze or Levitra commercials.\u00a0 Frankly, it’s embarrassing!<\/p>\n And speaking of Levitra…In case you have never seen one of their commercials the ending always shows a\u00a0 handsome middle-age couple sitting on a hilltop, blissfully watching the sunset, side by side, hand in hand…IN HIS-AND-HERS BATHTUBS!!!!\u00a0 Boy, nothing makes me more amorous than the sight of an old rusty discarded bathtub sitting outside on in the yard (can you say “redneck”?).\u00a0 And don’t you think taking Levitra is a bit of a waste if all the man does afterward is crawl into an outdoor bathtub?\u00a0 At least get in the same tub as your wife, then you probably won’t need the Levitra!<\/p>\n Extenze is no better.\u00a0 In fact they are worse because they seem to buy so much advertising time on channels I watch.\u00a0 While Levitra has bathtubs, Extenze has fake testimonials and images of laboratories where a cadre of dedicated chemists scurry about, holding test tubes with various brightly colored liquids, ostensibly refining this amazing product.\u00a0 That image brings to mind the following possible conversation:<\/p>\n “Son, it’s great to see you!\u00a0 Your mom and I are so proud of you completing your degree.\u00a0 A double major in Biology AND Chemistry.\u00a0 Well done!\u00a0 It’s great to know you made the most of all the money your mother and I spent to put you through college.\u00a0 And now we hear you already have a new job.\u00a0 Pretty exciting!\u00a0 What will you be working on, oh future Nobel prize winner, a cure for cancer, leukemia, Parkinson’s disease?”<\/p>\n “Uh, no, dad.\u00a0 I’m working on a new formula for male enhancement.”<\/p>\n Then of course there is Enzyte and its silent, stupidly-grinning spokesman, Bob.\u00a0 Apparently this drug provides not only male enhancement but it also improves ones golf game, bowling score and ability to ski moguls as well as turning you a race car driver, and qualifying you to be Santa at the office Christmas party.\u00a0 Now that is what I call a pill!\u00a0 Actually Freud would have had a field day with\u00a0 these commercials and their psuedo-phallic symbolism.\u00a0 Come to think of it Enzyte should combine with AT&T wireless ads. With more bars in more places….<\/p>\n Let’s not forget Viagra, the little pill that started it all.\u00a0 As many drugs as Elvis Presley took in his life I still think he must be turning over in his grave every time those good ol’ boys start singing in the barn, ripping off his 1964 hit, Viva Las Vegas<\/em>.<\/p>\n Cialis.\u00a0 Another male enhancement pill with its own advertising twist. The makers of Cialis claim their product makes it possible for you to be “ready when the time is right”.\u00a0 Their ads consist of various “slice-of-life” vignettes in which a middle-age couple are always being interrupted by something or someone presumably just as they are on their way to the bedroom.\u00a0 Perhaps instead of taking Cialis they could invest in a “DO NOT DISTURB” sign and take the phone off the hook.\u00a0 But that’s just me….<\/p>\n Last but not least are the T.V. commercials I’ve seen for some sort of male enhancement vacuum pump.\u00a0 Thankfully I do not remember the name of this device.\u00a0 But I do seem to remember it reminding me of a CPAP machine.\u00a0 I suppose it would come in handy if my private parts had sleep apnea…<\/p>\n One things about this industry that is not funny is the untold millions and millions of dollars spent yearly by men who are trying to be more than they are.\u00a0 Sure there are some men who have legitimate medical issues and I don’t mean to ridicule their plight.\u00a0 But the vast majority of men who purchase these products are normal by any standard.\u00a0 It’s just another example of how difficult it is to be content with who you are and what you have – so to speak.<\/p>\nShare this:<\/h3>