{"id":3445,"date":"2011-04-07T11:18:11","date_gmt":"2011-04-07T18:18:11","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.harmonicminer.com\/wordpress\/2011\/04\/07\/god-and-the-bass-players\/"},"modified":"2011-04-07T11:18:11","modified_gmt":"2011-04-07T18:18:11","slug":"god-and-the-bass-players","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.harmonicminer.com\/wordpress\/2011\/04\/07\/god-and-the-bass-players\/","title":{"rendered":"God and the bass players"},"content":{"rendered":"

From talkbass<\/a>, we have this:<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

THE CURSE OF THE BASS PLAYER <\/span><\/span> <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

In the beginning there was a bass. <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

It was a Fender, probably a Precision, but it could have been a Jazz – <\/span><\/span>
\n nobody knows. Anyway, it was very old …definitely pre- C.B.S. <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

And God looked down upon it and saw that it was good. He saw that it was <\/span><\/span>
\n very good in fact, and couldn’t be improved on at all (though men <\/span><\/span>
\n would later try.) <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

And so He let it be and He created a man to play the bass. and lo <\/span><\/span>
\n the man looked upon the bass, which was a beautiful ‘sunburst’ red, <\/span><\/span>
\n and he loved it. He played upon the open E string and the note <\/span><\/span>
\n rang through the earth and reverberated throughout the firmaments <\/span><\/span>
\n (thus reverb came to be.) <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

And it was good. And God heard that it was good and He smiled at his <\/span><\/span>
\n handiwork. <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Then in the course of time, the man came to slap upon the bass. And lo <\/span><\/span>
\n it was funky. And God heard this funkiness and He said, “Go man, go.” <\/span><\/span>
\n And it was good. And more time passed, and, having little else to <\/span><\/span>
\n do, the man came to practice upon the bass. <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

And lo, the man came to have upon him a great set of chops. And he <\/span><\/span>
\n did play faster and faster until the notes rippled like a breeze <\/span><\/span>
\n through the heavens. <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

And God heard this sound which sounded something like the wind, which <\/span><\/span>
\n had created earlier. It also sounded something like the movement <\/span><\/span>
\n of furniture, which He hadn’t even created yet, and He was not so <\/span><\/span>
\n pleased. <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

And He spoke to the man, saying “Don’t do that!” Now the man heard the <\/span><\/span>
\n voice of God, but he was so excited about his new ability that he <\/span><\/span>
\n slapped upon the bass a blizzard of funky notes. And the heavens <\/span><\/span>
\n shook with the sound, and the Angels ran about in confusion. (Some of <\/span><\/span>
\n the Angels started to dance, but that’s another story.) <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

And God heard this – how could He miss it – and lo He became <\/span><\/span>
\n Bugged. And He spoke to the man, and He said, “Listen man, if I <\/span><\/span>
\n wanted Jimi Hendrix I would have created the guitar. Stick to the <\/span><\/span>
\n bass parts.” <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

And the man heard the voice of God, and he knew not to mess with it. <\/span><\/span>
\n But now he had upon him a passion for playing fast and high. <\/span><\/span>
\n The man took the frets off of the bass which God had created. <\/span><\/span>
\n And the man did slide his fingers upon the fretless fingerboard and play <\/span><\/span>
\n melodies high upon’ the neck. <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

And, in his excitement, the man did forget the commandment of the <\/span><\/span>
\n Lord, and he played a frenzy of high melodies and blindingly fast licks. <\/span><\/span>
\n And the heavens rocked with the assault and the earth shook, rattled <\/span><\/span>
\n and rolled. <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Now God’s wrath was great. And His voice was thunder as He spoke to the <\/span><\/span>
\n man. And He said, “O.K. for you, pal. You have not heeded My word. Lo, I <\/span><\/span>
\n shall create a soprano saxophone and it shall play higher than you <\/span><\/span>
\n can even think of.” “And from out of the chaos I shall bring forth <\/span><\/span>
\n the drums. And they shall play so many notes thine head shall ache, <\/span><\/span>
\n and I shall make you to always stand next to the drummer.” <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

“You think you’re loud? I shall create a stack of Marshall guitar amps <\/span><\/span>
\n to make thine ears bleed. And I shall send down upon the earth other <\/span><\/span>
\n instruments, and lo, they shall all be able to play higher and faster <\/span><\/span>
\n than the bass.” “And for all the days of man, your curse shall be <\/span><\/span>
\n this: that all the other musicians shall look to you, the bass player, <\/span><\/span>
\n for the low notes. <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

And if you play too high or fast all the other musicians shall say “Wow” <\/span><\/span>
\n but really they shall hate it. And they shall tell you you’re <\/span><\/span>
\n ready for your solo career, and find other bass players for their <\/span><\/span>
\n bands. <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

And for all your days if you want to play your fancy licks you <\/span><\/span>
\n shall have to sneak them in like a thief in the night.” “And if you <\/span><\/span>
\n finally do get to play a solo, everyone shall leave the bandstand and go <\/span><\/span>
\n to the bar for a drink.” <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

And it was so.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

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