{"id":2419,"date":"2010-05-27T08:26:40","date_gmt":"2010-05-27T15:26:40","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.harmonicminer.com\/wordpress\/2010\/05\/25\/its-time-to-take-action-part-two\/"},"modified":"2010-05-26T15:33:01","modified_gmt":"2010-05-26T22:33:01","slug":"its-time-to-take-action-part-two","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.harmonicminer.com\/wordpress\/2010\/05\/27\/its-time-to-take-action-part-two\/","title":{"rendered":"It’s time to take action! Part TWO"},"content":{"rendered":"

In “It’s time to take action!\u00a0 Part ONE<\/a>” I discussed the need for the government to be appearing to take action to solve problems, even when the solution is outside the government’s sphere of competence.<\/p>\n

The oil is still leaking in the Gulf, about a mile under water.\u00a0 BP doesn’t seem to be able to, uh, put a lid on it.\u00a0 So, in the spirit of taking federal action whenever possible, whenever there is the slightest chance that it might work, I offer some ways Obama and his armies of federal experts could solve this new “oil crisis.”<\/p>\n

1)\u00a0 Fill lots and lots of ships with lots and lots of big rocks, and lob them over the side above the leak.\u00a0 There’s a reasonable chance that one or more of them will land on the leak, and plug it.\u00a0 (Note the parallel to lobbing federal money out of the federal financial cannon at whatever problem comes along.)<\/p>\n

2)\u00a0 Along the way, in the spirit of federal inter-agency cooperation (the kind the CIA doesn’t give the FBI), why not haul the rocks out there in decommissioned naval ships that are just taking up space in a harbor somewhere (space that Obama’s rich, New England liberal yacht-owning friends could be using for their floating palaces).\u00a0 Then, after lobbing the rocks over the side, Obama could have the ships sunk on the spot.\u00a0 The ships might land on the rock that plugged the leak, and hold it down, plus there is the environmental plus of providing the structure for the growth of a new coral reef.<\/p>\n

3)\u00a0 Just to build on the idea, Obama could send along the conservative Republican caucus of the House, ostensibly on a fact-finding tour, to observe the rocks being hurled over the side…\u00a0 then sink the ships with the right-wing bigots still on board, in a regrettable accident that could probably be blamed on BP.\u00a0 The New York Times would probably find out, eventually, that it wasn’t an accident, but no worries.\u00a0 They’d never publish the story, since its publication would do no harm to national security.\u00a0 Now that I think of it, the New York Times knows a great deal about leaks….\u00a0 maybe someone should ask them what to do.<\/p>\n

4)\u00a0 In a parallel idea, Obama could order the scuttling of nuclear subs he thinks the US shouldn’t own anyway.\u00a0 One of them might hit the leak and plug it.<\/p>\n

5)\u00a0 Obama could consider tossing Michael Moore over the side, followed by Rosie O’Donnell\u00a0 and Sheila Jackson Lee.\u00a0 When the water pressure flattens them to an inch thickness, they’ll have the density of a neutron star, surely enough to plug the leak.\u00a0 I’m guessing, though, that Michael Moore will be more than sufficient to do the job.<\/p>\n

6)\u00a0 Obama could offer the oil to China, if they can figure out a way to get it and stop the leak.\u00a0 They’re very industrious people.\u00a0 After all, they built the Great Wall.\u00a0 China is eager to drill in the Caribbean.\u00a0 Maybe then China would help us keep North Korea out of trouble.\u00a0 There’s an added bonus here:\u00a0 when China burns the oil, adding to global warming, Obama has even more talking points to point the finger at China in front of the UN.\u00a0 Not that he’d use them.\u00a0 He’d probably send somebody to apologize to the Chinese for not delivering the oil to them directly.<\/p>\n

7)\u00a0 Since Obama is canceling and mothballing the Space Shuttle fleet, why spend the money on storage where moth and rust doth corrupt?\u00a0 Instead, get the Space Shuttle up into orbit one last time, then crash it into the Caribbean, right above the oil leak, at about Mach 25 or something (remotely piloted, naturally, unless Obama could get John McCain to fly it).\u00a0 It wouldn’t do much good, of course (how many federal programs do?), but it would be spectacular, and it would be clear evidence of serious federal commitment to solving the problem, and, who knows, a piece of the main engine might survive intact and plug the leak.<\/p>\n

8)\u00a0 Even better:\u00a0 why not simply set off a couple of large nukes on the sea floor above the leak?\u00a0 The melted slag, underwater, would be sure to plug whatever leak there was, and the mile-deep water would prevent any serious above-water effects.\u00a0 Might make one good surfable wave in Galveston.\u00a0 But no tsunamis.\u00a0 Just not enough energy.\u00a0 (Mother Nature and her undersea quakes continue to dwarf any puny nuke.)\u00a0 In fact, maybe we could do this in concert with the Russians.\u00a0 This could be part of the nuclear disarmament process, and the peaceful use of nuclear power.\u00a0 Of course, it would take a ten year study by the UN and the EPA to decide if it was “safe”….\u00a0 as if ten years of oil leaking would be safer.<\/p>\n

9)\u00a0 Offer a ten billion dollar prize to the company that figures out how to solve this, and similar subsequent problems that may develop.\u00a0 Oops… that sounds just a bit too much like a market based, competitive solution.\u00a0 I don’t know what I was thinking.<\/p>\n

10)\u00a0 Stop the stupid drilling in mile deep water tens of miles off the cost, and drill closer in where it’s easier to manage, and, paradoxically, safer.\u00a0 Better yet, drill on land where we know there is plenty of oil (so what if there’s an oil leak?).\u00a0 And build about two hundred nuclear plants, streamline the permit process, and have congress remove the legal footing for the endless lawsuits that plague any nuclear startup in the US.<\/p>\n

While the previous two options will take some time, and may have nothing much to do with solving the immediate problem, you could try this, Mr. President.\u00a0 How about having the next White House BBQ in the Caribbean, on the White House yacht? \u00a0 If there isn’t one, there certainly should be, in the Imperial Presidency.\u00a0 You’ll have plenty of fuel to cook the meat.\u00a0 You can BBQ a couple of BP execs while you’re at it.\u00a0 Maybe Chavez will drop by and you can apologize to him for cooking with Caribbean oil.<\/p>\n

11)\u00a0 One more idea:\u00a0 just set the whole oil slick on fire.\u00a0 It gets hot in the Caribbean, and I’m sure they could use the shade from the inevitable smoke.\u00a0 It might even slow global warming to put so much smoke in the air, blocking the sun.<\/p>\n

12)\u00a0 One more option, for NASA.\u00a0 If NASA wants to make the case for more funding, why doesn’t it go get a smallish asteroid, say, 50 feet wide or so, and drop in the Caribbean at Mach 25 (call this Plan B of the Space Shuttle suggestion earlier)?\u00a0 There would be a small wave, but nothing on the order of a hurricane surge, and it might penetrate the mile of water and plug the hole.\u00a0 And if not, the heat of the impact might burn off a lot of the oil slick.\u00a0 Better warn small boats to stay away.\u00a0 Invite the Cuban and Venezuelan navies, though.\u00a0 NASA would be sure to get a budget increase out of this.<\/p>\n

BTW:\u00a0 whatever happened to all the talk about oil-eating engineered bacteria?\u00a0 Maybe they’re still in the testing phase.\u00a0 This seems like a good opportunity for a real-world trial, if so.<\/p>\n

Come to think of it, I haven’t heard much about Michael Moore lately.\u00a0 I’ll bet those oil consuming bacteria are smiling.\u00a0 And looking well fed.<\/p>\n

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