No, it’s not a new competitor for the iPhone.<\/p>\n
A few of my musician friends are attempting to invent a conceptually new musical instrument we will call the Shacklephone.\u00a0 It will have keys, strings, a brass mouth-piece, frets, a slide, a bassoon mouthpiece, valves, a bell, a resonating body, and a sustain pedal, not to mention a MIDI interface, balanced audio input\/output, AES\/EBU digital audio interface, wordclock i\/o, SMPTE timecode i\/o, 64GB of RAM and a satellite transmission capability.\u00a0 There will be Bb Tenor Shacklephones, Eb Alto and Eb Contrabass Shacklephones, and, of course, C Melody Shacklephones.\u00a0 It will be the only musical instrument that is all things to all musicians.\u00a0 There will even be drum and Shacklephone corps, using anti-gravity-equipped marching Shacklephones.\u00a0 The special F Gospel Shacklephone will automatically scoop all notes.<\/p>\n
Who needs physical modeling synthesis when you’ve simply included something of all the instruments?\u00a0 Much like the music of Scriabin<\/a> was supposed to have done, but didn’t, the Shacklephone will usher in the new age of enlightenment and agape love among all humanity.\u00a0 The very age of Aquarius, with a dose of galactic alignment thrown in for good measure.<\/p>\n Professional design assistance is needed.\u00a0 Anyone who would like to submit artist renderings of the proposed instrument could share in the royalties from the (doubtless) extensive sales anticipated for it.<\/p>\n The first prototype is scheduled to be rolling out of the Shacklephone factory sometime in the year 2012, and will be delivered to Yo-Yo Ma, who is developing a method book for novice Shacklephonists.\u00a0 Bono has requested one so that he can Shacklephonically pursue world peace.\u00a0 Persistent rumors at the Huffington Post suggest that Bill Clinton, the first black president<\/a>, plans to appear on late night TV playing the Bb Marching Shacklephone (we all know of his fondness for astroturf<\/a>…\u00a0 shoot, didn’t he have his pickup truck bed lined with it?) as he tries to help Hillary unseat Obama in the 2012 elections.\u00a0 I don’t think it will help, but it will be fun to watch.\u00a0 He was always good at playing the blues.<\/p>\n Because of the possibility of Shacklephonio-political implications, the factory’s location will remain undisclosed until the first production run is complete and delivery has been made.\u00a0 This should help avoid the appearance of former ACORN workers now employed by the Office of Universal Care Health Enforcement (OUCHE) trying to shut the place down to protect Obama’s re-election prospects…\u00a0 since, of course, when the new age dawns, no one will be voting for him.<\/p>\n Wait:\u00a0 didn’t I hear something else about the year 2012?<\/p>\n Must remember.<\/p>\nShare this:<\/h3>